By Christy Webb

The holidays are around the corner, and with them, the stress that comes from family get-togethers. If you have a child with special needs, you may be feeling some added stress. These get-togethers can be too loud and over stimulating. And don’t forget about the ever-flowing advice and opinions that you’ll be sure to receive.

I dreaded social events for the first two years of my son’s life. LJ is now 3 and has cerebral palsy, cortical visual impairment and global developmental delays. To a boy who couldn’t make out faces and has issues with depth perception, large gatherings were overwhelming. He would just cry. And where there is a crying baby, there is someone not far behind telling you what is wrong with your child.

I often left these occasions early or avoided them altogether. There were times when we couldn’t just leave, though. We were out of town or actually had some desire to visit with our family. Here are a few tips we’ve picked up that have helped us extend, survive and even enjoy our holidays.

Be prepared. With a little planning, you can still enjoy your family and the holidays! Before the event (or before starting our travels), I make a list of things we need. The list can be very long, but being able to see the list helps me cross things off that I don’t actually need. You’ll want to make sure you bring the right equipment without moving everything in. I usually bring a pack n’ play because this doubles as a bed and a quiet, safe place for LJ. I also bring him one seating system. Make sure you have the necessities (clothes, diapers, feeding supplies, medications) along with things that’ll make the trip easier (a favorite blanket, toys, music). You can also prepare your child by telling them what to expect and how you expect them to behave. Don’t do this too far in advanced or it won’t be fresh in their mind and could make them anxious. Get the kids to bed on time to make sure they’re well rested for the day.

Let family members know what to expect! During LJ’s infancy, I was not so open to talking about his disabilities, so no one asked. They weren’t sure how to interact with him, so they did what they normally do with babies. Or worse, they avoided him. Now, I send a few emails to my family throughout the year, giving them a little update on LJ and his progress. This lets them know what’s going on in his life so they know what questions to ask. Letting them know your child’s needs and interests will help them feel more comfortable in supporting you. If you have some family members who are willing to help, talk to them beforehand. Schedule some time together, even if it’s right before the party, to show the basics of caring for you child. There’s no need to stress about going into detail, because you’ll still be nearby. I also like to talk to the family who’s hosting the get-together. This lets you address your concerns and come up with solutions before a problem can arise, like which room you can use if your child needs some space.

Be aware, take breaks, and have an escape! It’s easier to stop a meltdown before it starts, so be observant of your child’s mood. When I see LJ reaching his limit, we go into a quiet room to snuggle and relax. If the meltdown has already begun, I’ll turn off the lights. I reserve his favorite toys until this time. Use whatever method works for your child.

Be aware of your child’s normal schedule. If it’s bed time, make your escape! Don’t be pressured by family to stay a little longer. You’re the one that will have to deal with the aftermath. There will be times that no matter what you do, your child is going to scream and cry. Have a signal with your significant other or other family member when you need to leave so they can get things together while you try to calm the storm. Make sure you grab yourself some leftovers! Perhaps you traveled and can’t leave, though. Take a break after making sure your child is safe. Go eat something, or take some time outside to regroup. It doesn’t help soothe a child if you’re also
worked up. Repeat as necessary.

Take it with a grain of salt. You know your child isn’t intentionally having a meltdown to get at you, but it can feel that way in the middle of a full-fledge breakdown. Your family’s advice can feel judgmental and insensitive during these stressful times. Remember that they have the best intentions. If you feel comfortable, gently correct well-intentioned family members and let them know what they can do to help. And take a break!

Enjoy yourself. I know this can be hard with a screaming kid grating at your nerves. If their needs are met and you haven’t gotten to eat a plate of that delicious turkey, ask a family member to keep an eye on your kid. LJ went through a very fussy stage and would cry whenever we went somewhere. I would hardly get a chance to eat or talk to anyone. Finally, I let a family member watch him, and I’d come back more relaxed. LJ could sense my mood and was easier to soothe. If it’s not possible for your family to watch your child, take turns with your spouse or place them in a safe place nearby. Another idea would be to use a baby monitor. Planning ahead can help reduce stressful situations. You know what makes your child tick. Don’t be discouraged if you end up making your escape early, as many parents have had to do the same. You are doing what’s best for your child. Sometimes that means a quiet evening at home. Happy holidays! And take a break!

Christy Webb was launched into the world of special needs when her son, LJ, had a loss of oxygen at birth, resulting in brain damage. This led to one of his many diagnoses, cerebral palsy. LJ is a sweet, loving boy who has overcome many challenges. He’s now 3 and a big brother to Noah, who’s 1. Their dad, Lewis, started his own business as a financial advisor so he could arrange his schedule around LJ’s therapy needs. Christy is a work-at-home mom residing in Overland Park. She started a parent support group on Facebook, KC Cerebral Palsy Parent Support Group, after a deadend search for local support. She blogs about her family’s journey through the world of special needs at OurYellowBrickRoad.wordpress.com.